The Art Of The Apology

I was watching the news this morning... I'm not sure which morning show it was. And the show had an image consultant. He was talking about the image repair that Tiger Woods is going to have to do. Now it's pretty much agreed that the Tiger we used to "know" is dead and buried. He's no longer the clean-cut American boy we loved. Now, he's a scruffy, smutty little man who can't keep it in his pants. And while this image is somewhat enjoyable to some, it won't continue to get him paid. Just ask Gatorade, Tag Heuer, and Accenture. Tiger's lost a lot of money, and I'm sure he wants to get it back. That may be part of the reason he's getting ready to come back with a warm-up tournament right before the Masters. And that may also be why he has hired an image consultant... to help him regain, at least in part, the money-making face and lifestyle that he lost in the pile of random panties sitting next to his wife's bed.

During the interview, the consultant spent most of the time disputing the statement that a person made regarding apologies. The person said something along the lines of, "if you need a consultant to apologize, just skip the apology and go straight to the course. You shouldn't have to prepare an apology, so just get back to work and forget about putting on your sorry face." The person then started referencing the latest slew of apology ceremonies from Gov. Sanford to Eliot Spitzer to John Edwards and going back to Kobe and Hugh Grant. They had image consultants that prepared them in every way, shape and form. They set up the stage to apologize, what they wore, what to say, when to change their facial expressions, where and how to stand, who should be around them and where they should be standing, etc. All the preparation going into the apology takes the sincerity out of the apology, if there ever was any in the first place (which begs the age-old question - are they sorry they did it, or sorry they got caught... but that's not the point).

The image consultant vehemently disagreed with this statement. He said that celebrities are just like anyone else... they make big mistakes. But because they are celebrities, they are scrutinized at a higher level, which makes showing how they truly feel even more important. The image consultants supposedly respond to the wishes of the celebrity in need, and help them to project that image while they are trying to regain and retain their celebrity status - a balancing act that normal people don't have to worry about.

I tend to agree with this person who had the criticism for the image consultant. It's insane that the apology has become big business within the last ten or twenty years. If it wasn't for celebrities f*cking up in the public eye, that image consultant wouldn't have a job, which, to me, is why he disagreed so much. An apology should be something sincere. You shouldn't have a prep course and a team of consultants prepare your apology. Just get it out of the way as soon as possible in your own damn way, then get on with your life. People are generally smart enough to read through the bullsh*t sat in front of us through the apology.

And as a matter of fact, the ONLY person who they should be apologizing to are the people they screwed over. None of the celebrities owe us anything. It doesn't matter if we pay their bills. We'll keep paying their bills if they get back to work and act like they have some sense. So we should stop acting like we're entitled to an apology. The only people they should be apologizing to is their wives, kids, family, and friends. Tiger Woods doesn't owe me a damn thing, so I won't even tune in to see what he has to say.

But I should stop fronting. Seriously. Because I had a discussion with my image consultant too. He told me that I need to apologize for all the wrongs I've committed in the blogging world. So here goes. And don't get your tears on my apology tuxedo.

- I'm sorry that I don't like putting my own pictures on my website. I figure that the pictures that make me laugh and smile are better than any mugshot-style pictures I have taken.

- I'm sorry that I unknowingly blog-jacked Michelle and used it for my own gain. I hope that she can find it in her heart to one day forgive my sincere, prepared apology.

- I'm sorry that I occasionally block out the swear words. When I blog during the day, I do it from my work computer. I'm not sure what the policy is on emailing and blogging with a potty mouth, but I'm pretty sure that it won't help me get a raise anytime soon.

- I'm sorry that I don't care for the internet political debates for people on the far right OR the far left. Yes, I do have an opinion as a left-leaning independent, as you know. However, it just bugs the sh*t out of me that both sides act like their side has the only damn solution to the ills of the country. The inability to listen to the other side and digest what they're saying, let alone the ability to compromise, are part of the problem on the micro and macro level, and I choose not to get into it... most of the time.

- I'm sorry that I like to read more than one type of blog page, which has created problems... as people I have "friended" have beef with each other. If it makes you feel better, I'll have no problem deleting you off of my page, so that everyone can be happy.

- I'm sorry that I'm running out of things to apologize for.

I hope that you'll forgive me for my blogging wrongs. Please continue to read my blogs while I revamp my image while trying to abstain from committing those blogging wrongs, starting...... soon.